Thursday, February 7, 2013

Five You Can't Miss -- Bradley Sands

I don’t usually read fiction online, so there won’t be any links to the actual stories (except for the first one).

The Human Centipede 2 (UFSI Sequence) by Tao Lin: A Novel (actually by Cameron Pierce): from the book, Die You Doughnut Bastards

This may be the funniest thing I’ve read all year, but it may not be funny to people at all if they haven’t seen The Human Centipede and aren’t familiar with the writing of Tao Lin.

The Walrus Master by Carlton Mellick III from Walrus Tales (an anthology of stories about walruses) Use this link to the book on Amazon if you want:

Perhaps the second funniest thing I read. Mellick rarely does short fiction and although his books are often humorous, I wouldn’t usually put them in the humor category, but this fits the label. It begins with a levitating Walrus Master saying to a young man, “Blessings, my child. I shall answer you three questions. What wisdom do you wish me to bestow?” The young man responds, “What the fuck are you doing, dude?”

The Last Time I Stole Walt Whitman’s Sole by Scott McClanahan from The Collected Works of Scott McClanahan Vol. 1 (

The narrator (or perhaps Scott McClanahan himself) goes to Walt Whitman’s old house. They don’t let him in, so instead he goes to the nearby Walt Whitman mall. They don’t have any Walt Whitman books in the mall’s bookstore. The Walt Whitman mall is near where I grew up, so I got a kick out of that.

UFO: A Love Story by Ben Loory from Stories for Nighttime and Some for the Day (

A relationship goes bad when a teenager becomes obsessed with trying to convince his town that he and his girlfriend saw a UFO, resulting in him hoaxing the town with a full-scale invasion.

The Nook by Matthew Revert from How to Avoid Sex and Other Stories (

About a love triangle between two men and an apartment. It has a hidden nook that the man who lives in the apartment doesn’t know about, but the other one does.

Bio: Bradley Sands is the author of TV Snorted My Brain, Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You, Sorry I Ruined Your Orgy, and other books. Visit him at

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