Robamapocalypse by Kevin Strange

Sometimes you know how fucking great a book will be just from its premise. A not-too-distant future giant robot Lord Obama controls the masses through zombie ultimate fighting.

Yeah, let's do that.

I heard about this book on Chris Boyle's Bizarrocast and went out into the ether and bought it. It's every bit as enjoyable and nutty as I anticipated.

In his intro, Strange makes it clear that this is an apolitical work. And surely this is a bizarre expedition into a parallel reality that leaves politics or anything else boring*, far behind. This read like a great, old school video game--a fast, furious adventure filled with non-stop carnage.

Don't confuse this with your typical post apocalypse book that takes itself way too seriously and is all dark and brooding and crap. Robama Pocalypse just kicks ass.


* I'm a politics and government teacher, but I like to keep my politics reading and my fiction reading separate.

Mastodon Farm by Mike Kleine

Mastodon Farm is an experience.

It is about you. You are famous. Or at least you hang out with many famous people. You always listen to music when you drive your Ferrari. You like the band Vampire Weekend. You go places and do things and then go other places and do other things or the same things.

That's about it.

This book is simultaneously vague (there is no reason why you do these things, or even detailed descriptions of what you are doing) and specific (almost everything you do is linked to some pop culture material, a band, an actor, a clothing company, an author).

Each mention of one of these pop culture bits brings a flood of images and thoughts and feelings to mind, but then each one is hardly ever more then mentioned, each has no significance to it. This got me thinking that we falsely associate significance with pop culture material, when in reality these things tell us nothing about a person's (or a character's) identity. I don't know if that was Kleine's intention, but that's what I got out of it.

I also felt overwhelmed. The pure sensory experience of thinking of so many pop culture things made me exhausted, but in a strangely satisfying way.

Someone who blurbed the book said it was like watching twelve hours of TV on a Sunday. That seems apt to me--I was entertained, did nothing, then felt tired after doing it.

This is a smooth, lightning fast blaze through land of the absurd and one of the best bizarro books I've read.

A Bouquet of Bullets by Eric Beetner

Nothing goes together better than flowers and crime fiction.

I think.

Wait, that doesn't seem right.

Whatever.

Anyway, Eric Beetner's short story collection, A Bouquet of Bullets, in many ways harkens back to golden age of pulp writers. This is narrative-driven stuff flavored with cordite and regret.

I had read several of these before, such as "My Asshole Brother," "What the Dog Saw," "Countdown," and "Why Are Mommy and Daddy Fighting?", but they proved entertaining and interesting the second time around. Beetner's smooth storytelling style is a joy to read and I burned through these quickly.

He has a knack for the classic stories that would be boring in a less capable writer's hands. Two stories about that well-worn subject, the hit man's retirement--"The Last Bullet" and "Hit...Me"--proved to be some of the best in the collection. At his best, Beetner's work is moving without being sentimental.

This is particularly true of the closing story, "Without a Body, There Is No Crime." The term chilling is over-used, but if you read this story, I think you'll agree that at the end, you feel physically colder than when you started it. It's probably the most convincing "harmless teenager morphs into killer" story that I've read.

This one from Snubnose Press is a steal at only $1.99 at Amazon. 

The Kind of Friends Who Murder Each Other

I'm going to level with you: This is the best thing I've written.

It's out today. And it's free.

It's about how three friends confess crimes to each other for no reason, then become really unhinged. It's about smoking and instant coffee and terrible bosses. It's about angry assholes and mopping floors.  

The Kind of Friends Who Murder Each Other is now available here.  

Or you can pay $3 for a nice paperback from KUBOA. 

Here's what some writers I respect are saying about it:

"There are a number of writers out there who are playing with noir fiction and bending and shaping it in new ways. Think John Rector, Eric Beetner or Heath Lowrance. If they’re writers you dig, you should add Chris Rhatigan to the list. He has his own style and that comes to the fore in The Kind Of Friends Who Murder Each Other. Truth be told, I was bowled over by the end of the first chapter; from then on he just kept on hurling the balls at me and his characters until things had to end. This book is taut, strong and put together like an old classic. Don’t miss out." -- Nigel Bird, author of Smoke and In Loco Parentis

"The storytelling is in the nuance here. It strolls along with a gritty, flat-line pulse, lulling the reader with paranoid details and untrustworthy narration. Then comes the hay maker and Rhatigan owns the moment. Over and over again." -- Ryan Sayles, author of The Subtle Arts of Brutality

"The Kind Of Friends Who Murder Each Other is filled with losers, from the narrator Simon to his pals Mackey and Slade, all the way down to the bartender who no doubt enjoys Springsteen's 'Born To Run,' so much so that it plays four times before the first page is gone. The thing about these losers, though? We know each and every one of them. Some of us may even be them, in one form or fashion. And that's what makes the book hit like a sledgehammer between the eyes. Read it and weep, kids." -- Christopher Grant, Editor/Publisher of A Twist Of Noir

Five You Can't Miss: Brian Panowich

Considering I’m such a noob to the online crime fiction community, I still find myself lurking around the dark corners of the Internet trying to find the best stories out there. This column (Five You Can't Miss) has been invaluable for turning me on to some of the best writing I’ve ever seen, so I invited myself over to maybe return the favor.

1. Hatpin By Jen Conley
Ms. Conley has consistently turned out some of the best fiction on the planet, and this one over at Shotgun Honey is where my love affair with her stuff began. It’s full of hard as nails female characterization and a lesson in making every word count. Mary Mulligan is my dream girl.

http://www.shotgunhoney.net/2012/05/hatpin-by-jen-conley.html

2. Seeds By Chris Leek
Chris can throw dialogue into any situation, or timeframe, like it’s nobody’s business. From the world of a hardened black jack dealer in Pigeon, over at Grift Magazine, to trailer trash jargon like A Redheaded Woman, at The Flash Fiction Offensive, but nothing compares to the old western revenge tale Seeds, at The Big Adios. You would think Mr. Leek grew up on a mountain learning how to talk by listening to his uncles and cousins while they brewed up another batch ‘o shine. As good or better than any script Sergio Leone worked from.

http://www.thebigadios.com/2013/02/seeds-by-chris-leek.html

3. Pit Stop By Les Edgerton
I bought the first issue of Noir Nation Magazine on a whim, not knowing who Les Edgerton was. It included his story Pit Stop and I read it in a fever. It was full of matter-of-fact straight talk that bowled me over. Not once did it feel like “writing”. That shit is what I had been looking for. Lucky for me (and you) the story was an excerpt from the BEST BOOK I’ve read in years called JUST LIKE THAT. Buy it. Read it. Break something. You’re welcome.

http://www.amazon.com/Noir-Nation-International-Journal-ebook/dp/B005JTMIPW/ref=la_B000APH7SI_1_15?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1361726865&sr=1-15

4. Folded Blue By John Rector
I know this story was written in 2011, but it’s new to me, so I’m breaking the rules a bit. Sometimes a story taps into something so raw and primal that the reader has no choice but to carry it around with them forever. There’s no un-ringing the bell. It’s yours now, whether you want it or not. That’s Folded Blue by John Rector over at Shotgun Honey. It’s the literary equivalent to a layer of greasy film you can’t scrub off. It’s brilliant.

http://www.shotgunhoney.net/2011/05/folded-blue-by-john-rector.html

5. Push, Push, Push By Ryan Sayles
I’m going to catch a little grief for including Ryan on this list, considering he’s a good friend of mine, and we’ve written a few books together (SEE HERE), but you know what? Fuck ‘em. The guy can write. I’m going to bend the rules a little further by recommending a story no one has read yet except the editors who keep rejecting it. (Yes, it’s that good.) In 2011, Sayles and I both submitted some stories to an anthology that was kicking off, and we both got rejected. I asked him to send it to me, and I can see why it keeps getting turned down.

Because it’s fucking brilliant.

Sometimes the world needs time to catch up to genius, or maybe they’re just scared. The story is one huge chunk of dread that sits on your chest and squeezes the life out of you. You know what’s coming. You know you can’t stop it. And as horrific as the ending is, it had to be that way. It makes sense. The world is a fucked up place. Anyway, all you editors looking for the next greatest thing, go read Push, Push, Push by Ryan Sayles and publish it, so the rest of the whole can be in the know. You can reach him at his personal email address ryan.sayles@gmail.com or his private cell phone number 510-379-8640. Again, you’re welcome.

Who Is Killing the Great Capes of Heropa? by Andrez Bergen

Andrez Bergen is an interesting cat. His first three books, in many ways, are very different from one another. One's a classic detective fiction dystopia mash up; the next is an exploration into the nether regions of the afterlife; and his most recent, Who Is Killing the Great Capes of Heropa?, is an homage to comic books and draws from the work of Philip K. Dick.

Actually, homage isn't really what's going on here--it's almost an investigation of the assumptions comic books are based on. You see, Heropa is a futuristic virtual reality set up with super heroes, villains, and blandos (all the people who super heroes save). The world has become such a terrible place that people have totally given up on it and they journey to Heropa mentally, if not physically. Heropa is a fundamentally (and mechanically) broken place, where the super heroes and the blandos resent each other and everything seems to be falling apart.

Bergen uses this premise as a vehicle to poke at a bunch of interesting questions: What does being a super hero mean? Would a world with super heroes be better or worse? What about all those people who the super heroes "save"? Are they real people or just objects? Can virtual reality be as important as reality?

And this is what I dig about Bergen's work in general--he takes entertaining plots and characters and uses them to explore deeper issues. Yet he's never didactic or navel-gazing; he walks the tight rope expertly.

After three books, it's clear that Bergen doesn't confine himself to one genre. In fact, he prefers to mix and blend genres with gleeful abandon. Yet there is consistency. He creates some of the most wildly imaginative places you will ever encounter in fiction. He has perfect pitch for witty dialog and cultural references. And his characters are fascinating people who you'll want to hang out with.

Who Is Killing the Great Capes of Heropa? is both an entertaining and challenging read for comic book lovers and the rest of us alike.

I wrote a book

So my book, The Kind of Friends Who Murder Each Other, is now available through KUBOA Press for pre-order. The print version is only $3. There will be a free ebook available April 30.

I'm terribly excited about this. First of all, I've wanted to work with Pablo D'Stair ever since I read the ridiculously good Trevor English series, and I was thrilled when he decided to make my little novella part of KUBOA's 2013 catalogue. Second, I think this book is the best representation of my work.

It's at the intersection of bizarro and crime. It's about the arbitrary nature of, well, everything. It's about the fall from the curb to the gutter. It's about clock-watching, friendship, smoking, minimum-wage jobs, nihilism, bad coffee, generic America, and boss-hating. At the end of this book, you will have learned zero life lessons and will probably feel like shit.

Rather than summing up the plot, I'll let AJ Hayes tell you about it in perhaps the best blurb ever written, which is really more of a story in and of itself:


"It was one of those nights that Raymond Chandler talked about in the opening paragraph of Red Wind. You know those nights, the ones that make you realize you've done the same things on the same night with the same guys for what seems an eternity. The ones where even the air is thick and still and motionless. Where everything moves slow and turgid and without purpose. And you get the feeling that none of the here you inhabit is real. You get the feeling that you and those guys are like bugs in amber. That a thousand years from now you and those guys will be sitting there, at the same time, on that same night, stuck. That kind of night.

Then one of you says something. Tells you something so unexpected it sets in motion events none of you ever dreamed could happen. And that surety of sameness shatters. And the roller coaster crests the first hill and down down down you go, getting slammed every which way in the turns, feeling the world end in the drop aways and all the while, picking up a velocity that you know is as terminal as a magnum round to the forehead.

Yeah, Friends Who Murder Each Other is like that. Just like that. And it's one helluva ride."

C'mon and Do the Apocalypse by Brian Panowich and Ryan Sayles

Zelmer Pulp is putting out the kind of books that I have always assumed would gain popularity with the advent of electronic books--short, entertaining collections of novellas (or novelettes or whatever the hell you want to call them), something that the big publishing houses will never do.

C'mon and Do the Apocalypse is two zombie stories (FREE this weekend) I thoroughly enjoyed. Brian Panowich's "My Wife Dawn...and the Dead" takes a standard suburban family and plops them in the center of the apocalypse. One would assume this would lead to social critiques of suburban life and consumerism and blah blah blah, but Panowich follows a different path, instead making these everyday people flawed and likeable. Despite the ensemble cast, I found myself rooting for these characters to beat the odds. The violence is controlled and real--especially when a calloused teenager has to take out her own sister. And the ending is touching without any sentimentality... or, for that matter, hope.

Ryan Sayles brings the nasty (even for a zombie story) in "28 Days of Mutilated Zombie Whores Later." It's about Nelson who (appropriately enough...) runs a brothel of zombie whores. This is a classic zombie  blood bath complete with a bunch of unredeemable characters who probably didn't have a shred of humanity before the apocalypse. It's all good, pulpy fun--and delivers a completely disgusting, satisfying ending.

Zelmer Pulp has also released Hey, That Robot Ate My Baby, with five sci-fi stories that promise to be both mind-bending and offensive. 

The Monstrous Ego of Ryan Sayles: Five You Could Miss

Ryan Sayles sent me the garbage that I have deposited below. In his staggering megalomania, he somehow thought that he was supposed to write about five of his own stories. I wasn't going to publish it, but then I realized that by publishing it I was providing a public service--letting the world know NOT to read anything by this dangerously insane manchild.

Proceed at your own risk...

I’m a cop. The other night I dealt with a dude who was hurting bad for a fix and ready to throw down because I was the only man standing in his way. I told him he didn’t want to push this thing any farther because I don’t lose.

Later that night, he called me to apologize. Because he lost. Anyways, the point is, he recognized (Urban Dictionary: 1) respect; give honor by public acknowledgement… 3) When you disrespect someone, and they in turn burn your ass, you must "RECOGNIZE". Sometimes followed by a quick "HELL YEAH!"). As he should. As all people should. Because I am incredible.

However, it got me thinking. Above all else, there is one man who must recognize my glory in all things. There is one man who, without a constant reminder of my vast set of skills and abilities, might one day fall short. That man is me. If I don’t take the time out to really reflect on what I have done for mankind, how my presence has brought joy and wonder to a bleak world, how can I expect-nay, demand, that others do the same?

So, it’s recognizing time. Hell yeah. You’re welcome, because this is a gift.

28 Days of Mutilated Zombies Whores Later – Fellow author Brian Panowich and I made a pact to give the world the greatest zombie stories ever. He failed, but that’s understandable. He’s not me. I delivered. My story, set two years after a worldwide zombie apocalypse, is about a man who runs a zombie harem and sells the undead prostitute’s services to scavengers in return for survival goods. One man decides to pay with a living woman and everything, well, stops running smoothly. This story rules because when people finish it, they ask, “What the f*ck is wrong with Sayles?”

By which, of course, they mean no disrespect. They better not.

They’re recognizing my ability to baffle them with incredibleness. It’s all in the plot twists, baby.

The Roach Motel Reputation – This is under the pen name Derek Kelly. At the time I was a stage dancer (a lot of lesser dudes complain about how the T-backs can really cut into your ass but I enjoyed the burn) and it made sense to write under my glitter name. This story features my private detective Richard Dean Buckner (why yes, I did write a novel about him) as he storms a bar that caters to sexual deviants. He’s looking for a murderer, blah blah blah. This story rules because—and I don’t care who you are—any story based around abusing child molesters deserves the story version of a steak dinner and a happy ending.

People recognize my ability to exude testosterone and all that is deliciously manly. It’s all in my musk, baby.

Grease Monkey Bokur – When I say something, it’s true. Even if that means people have to realize what they’ve believed all along is false simply because I just contradicted it. So, let me put Al Gore at ease and say global warming doesn’t exist.

There. Because I said it, Mother Nature will recognize and stop heating up. Sorry Al, better luck with whatever hippie religion you start next.

In this story, I state that mechanics are better than doctors. What people found so shocking about that absolute fact was I only needed 700 words to make it true (EL James wrote three entire novels claiming some torture porn douche was what all women wanted and that never made it true). Sorry doctors, better luck with paying off those school loans while simultaneously learning how to work on a transmission if you want to continue being “a healer.”

People recognize my ability to make it so by sheer act of will. It’s all in my “I am because I am,” baby.

Junior Detective – Some of the great satire of our time—The Office, The Onion, The Biggest Loser—needs me before they are simply written off by history as “the poor man’s Junior Detective.” In this gem of literature (or, for me, what is considered my daily warm-up) I dissect the inner workings of the Common Man, embodied here as a humble hospital security officer who is working against the odds to save the day. Seinfeld, Jon Stewart, The New Yorker, you guys can learn something about your craft here. Hell, you’ll get your doctorate here.

People recognize my ability to acutely capture the iconic human spirit in ways so fresh and invigorating that it makes both Leo Tolstoy and Mark Twain look like bitches. It’s all in the unique perspective, baby.

Collection – I like this story because the last few paragraphs bother people on a deep, deep level. Some folks spend their whole lives hoping, praying for the opportunity to affect just one person. Just one. Just plant one little seed that might grow into a fruitful experience. Just one? Ha. One is for losers who don’t deserve to share the same sunlight as me. I affect millions. I make it happen. Every day when I wake up and snap the waistband of my tightie-whities (I retired the T-backs along with my always-used-out-of-context Mueller Runner’s Lube and rape whistle) people exhale in relief that I’m still around to give them purpose. That’s when you know you’ve had an effect on people, when they consider suicide the only option if you’re not there to inspire them.

People recognize my influence towards a better world. It’s all in being a guiding light, baby.

Mrs. Yu Sheng at Bizarrocast and ADR

I have a story over at Bizarrocast, "Mrs. Yu Sheng." I've never heard one of my stories read aloud before, so this was pretty cool. Chris Boyle does a splendid job, as always.

I received a spam email from a Mrs. Yu Sheng and thought, "Hmm... what if this was all true?" And a story was born. I think it's one of my funnier stories and I hope you enjoy it.

AND a fantastic story by Mike Monson at All Due Respect, "Victor Blank is a Sonofabitch." It's the kind of trashy noir I can't get enough of.

Five You Can't Miss -- Richard Godwin

Christopher Grant Deviation Jones, at All Due Respect 24 March 2012

http://all-due-respect.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/issue-24-march-2012.html

What begins like a whisper crescendos into one of the most compelling stories I read all year. Grant mixes his knack for the best crime writing with his surreal perceptions, fast pace, and unrivalled economy.

AJ Hayes Dark Genesis

Thrillers Killers N Chillers 16 August 2012

http://thrillskillsnchills.blogspot.co.uk/2012/08/dark-genesis-by-aj-hayes.html?zx=886f85ae466a143

AJ Hayes is one of the most subtle and technically adept writers out there. This story is mythological, beautiful, dark and disturbing, and contains Hayes's hallmark lyricism and menace.

Cindy Rosmus

Heal Me Gemini Magazine

http://gemini-magazine.com/rosmushealme.html

Cindy Rosmus is one of the finest crime writers out there. Here again she delivers a fast paced razor sharp story that draws you into her characters.

Salvatore Butacci

The Man In The Jar, Authors Info 24 April 2012

http://authorsinfo.com/blog/short-stories/the-man-in-the-jar-by-salvatore-buttaci

Sal is a storyteller who never wastes words, and evokes a strong sense of atmosphere and character. This is a fine example of that ability and his innate humour.

Benoit Lelievre Portrait of an AmericanFamily

Shotgun Honey February 15th

http://www.shotgunhoney.net/2012/02/portrait-of-an-american-family-by-benoit-lelievre.html

Benoit Lelievre has written a tight fast paced story here that is highly observed and as polished as marble. Not a word out of place.

Five You Can't Miss -- Salvatore Buttaci

“Ice In The Veins” by Richard Godwin at Pulp Metal Magazine. http://pulpmetalmagazine.wordpress.com/2012/08/04/ice-in-the-veins-by-richard-godwin

A man of the cloth, burdened by self-hatred, unsuccessfully seeks beauty in a world of pain and suicide.

“Neal Figgins” by Kathy Fish at Connotation Press http://connotationpress.com/fiction/1688-kathy-fish-fiction

A casual conversation in a doctor’s waiting room between the young boy Neal and a young girl. A poster on the wall tells of a fundraiser for Neal who suffers from some disease. Neal’s mother is the doctor in whose office Neal is waiting.

“Packing for the Moon” by Dean Francis Alfar at Bewildering Stories http://bewilderingstories.com/issue466/packing_moon.html

On the eve of the big day, Dad tells his daughter Sam the bedtime story of “The Princess and the Moon.” It becomes the quality time both have left to share.

“After 10 Years” by David Robbins at The Neglected Ratio http://theneglectedratio.wordpress.com/2012/06/06/after-10-years-by-david-robbins/

In trouble with the school administration, a teacher learns what real trouble is when the third-grade teacher Mrs, Schultz confides in him that her husband has left her for another woman.

“Otto and the Cloth Baby” by Harris Tobias at Mudjob http://mudjob.blogspot.mx/2012/11/harris-tobias.html

Two agents of the Department of Agriculture work at uncovering crime cartels that involve the smuggling of drugs in hollowed-out vegetables.

BIO
Salvatore Buttaci’s work has appeared widely in publications that include The New York Times, U. S. A. Today, The Writer, Writer’s Digest, Cats Magazine, The National Enquirer, Christian Science Monitor, A Word with You Press, Thinking Ten, Pen 10, and Six Sentences. He was the recipient of the $500 Cyber-wit Poetry Award in 2007. He was also one of the winners in the 2011 Franklin-Christoph Fine Writing Instrument Poetry Contest.

Five You Can't Miss -- Christopher Grant

Richard Godwin's Barbeque The Sink Beast (http://www.flywheelmag.com/895/barbeque-the-sink-beast/):

I've just recently re-read this story and, holy shit, this is some good, good, GOOD stuff. AJ Hayes mentioned in a previous Five Stories You Can't Miss that Bizarro is really coming on strong and it doesn't get any better than this one for bizarre and bizarro.

AJ Hayes's Dark Genesis (http://thrillskillsnchills.blogspot.com/2012/08/dark-genesis-by-aj-hayes.html):

This is a story that makes you want to raise your game. You cannot read this story and not think, "What have I written recently that blows my brains out of my skull and will do the same to anyone that reads it?" This is Dark Genesis in one sentence.

As I said to AJ when I first read it, "Talk about your big bang theory."

You'll see what I mean when you read Dark Genesis.

Chris Benton's The Wait (http://a-twist-of-noir.blogspot.com/2012/09/a-twist-of-noir-702-chris-benton.html)

Here's the thing about a Chris Benton story: no one ever comes away unscathed. Sometimes it's death that claims a character. Other times, it's life that claims that character.

In The Wait, it's both.

Chris Rhatigan's Small Bites (http://blackpetalsks.tripod.com/yellowmama/id912.html):

What goes together better than York Peppermint Patties and Bizarro? Nothing, if it's written by Chris Rhatigan. That and the fact that that guy or woman with the red kettle? Probably in business for their own self.

Cindy Rosmus's Out Of Juice (http://blackpetalsks.tripod.com/yellowmama/id915.html):

Okay. What is this?

That's what makes Out Of Juice such an intriguing story.

Read it. Finish it. Then you'll ask that question.

And these:

Is it Bizarro? Perhaps. Is it a mash-up of all kinds of genres? Yes, which, to my mind, makes it Bizarro (by definition). Is it a zombie story? Maybe. The last little bit makes a good case for that. An end of the world story? Yep, it's that, too.

You know what it really is?

It's Cindy Rosmus. She throws everything into the pot and comes up with an extremely tasty brew, as always.

Five You Can't Miss -- Tom Pitts

1) Daniel Mkiwa's The New Sleep in All Due Respect. This story so moved me that I sought out the author and begged him to send OOTG a piece. It's a fresh take on street crime and his keen sense for dialogue gives this barrio tale a realistic feel that's hard to find out there
http://all-due-respect.blogspot.com/2012/06/issue-29-june-2012.html

2) It's probably already been mentioned by others in this series, but Nicky Murphy's Daddy's Girl in OOTG's Flash Fiction Offensive got my attention. A lot of emotion rises up from very sparse prose. The tale between the lines is brutal and unforgettable.
http://www.outofthegutteronline.com/2012/07/daddys-girl.html

3) Joe Clifford's Shady Palms from Shotgun Honey. Another story where the writer heats up the heart then sticks a knife in it and twists. Betrayal upon betrayal. Joe at his meanest and leanest.
http://www.shotgunhoney.net/2012/06/shady-palms-by-joe-clifford.html

4) Mike Monson's Hot Cups. A winner of OOTG's Digital Rage contest. The thing I loved about this one was that the action happened off the page. It's crafty to build that kind of tension without hitting you over the head with violence.
http://www.amazon.com/Out-Gutter-8-Matthew-Louis/dp/0982688792/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1359192947&sr=1-1&keywords=out+of+the+gutter+8

5) Going to Hell to the Sound of Sucking or How the Gimp got 86'd from Mac's by Jaylee Alde
I'm bending the rules a bit, but this tale has its own story. There's no link because it didn't get published. Not yet anyway. Its subject was the cause of much backroom hullabaloo over at Out of the Gutter's Flash Fiction back office. I thought it was hilarious, bold, and irreverent. Three things I love. The rest of the FFO editorial staff said, "No fucking way! Hilarious, yes, but I'm not going to hell!" I recently contacted Jaylee to see what happened with it and I believe it will make it onto the virtual pages of some daring zine sometime soon. Watch out for it.

Five You Can't Miss -- Mike Monson

Stuck Between Stations — Joe Clifford

Last summer, at the age of 56, for some reason, I decided to start writing fiction and I had this idea that maybe there were places to publish online if my stories were good enough. I started exploring the internet and found Literary Orphans and this wonderful story. It was so good and everything about it was something I could relate to -- it wasn't some loftly literary thing, it was ... REAL. I was so impressed that I emailed the author, Joe Clifford, and developed an online friendship that led to me getting published many times. It's a good story. Read it.

No Parking — Tom Pitts

I also had a magical connection to this story. I could just see everything the writer described and I could just feel all the creepy feelings experienced by the narrator. I LOVED it.

Accidental Disharge — Ryan Sayles

What can I say? This freaking story is shocking in a good, fun way. Read it ... jeez, what are you waiting for?

Thinking About Her — Matthew C. Funk

Wow. I read this and felt things I'd never felt before. It is a great story about awful people doing the most awful things one could imagine and Funk makes the whole thing beautiful. How? I have no idea. Magic, again.

June — Jen Conley

I'm putting this in not just for this story but for all the Jen Conley stories I read this year. She is just so good. Ms. Conley brings you into a vivid and real world and makes you see and feel things. I just love her writing. June is completely devastating in a completely lovely way. Someday, maybe, she will learn how to write a happy ending.

Party Favors — Chris Leek

I like ALL of the Chris Leek stories I read this year. Check him out, I insist. But this one was the most sublime. Read it now.